newest update:

after my last entry i realized i needed to do something about the way i was feeling. i wrote out all the pros and cons of staying and leaving, what i would do if i stayed or left, and where either could lead me in my future. by the end of this list the answer was clear; it is time to head back to the states and restart my life there, once again.

at first i was resisting this. i had a similar feeling when i was leaving california, a feeling of defeat. but i quickly realized how different the situations are. here, i had no expectations, i came merely to see brasil and meet my family... and i did just that. in cali, it was open ended. i left saying that i wasn't coming back, implying that i was going to set up a new life there. i always knew i would come back from brasil, i just didn't know when. that defeated feeling left and i was overcome with gratitude. i have experienced so many wonderful things that i would never have seen or felt had i not made this journey. i have been on the other side of the world and have realized how close it is. i also realized that no matter where i go or for how long, i will always have me, my heart and my home.

no one can say what will come next, and to be honest... i don't really want to know. i have faith that whatever it is i am doing at this moment in time is exactly what i should be doing. i have taken one step closer to myself, and i finally know the family i always had that was a world away. i will always have them, but what i didn't realize was that i always did. something kept us apart until now, maybe one day i will understand why.

the flights are set and now i will soak in the final days. i depart from salvador on march 11th and fly into sao paulo. i will stay the night and next day until my flight at 9:45pm from sao paulo to new york. i arrive in new york at 6am on the 13th and get another flight to albany airport. it will be the longest journey of my life, but the feeling of arrival is the sweetest.

dave, leda and alici (my sister's parents and sister) have been away in massachusettes for the last 3 weeks. they get back to salvador this friday. it will be nice to have them around. dave is the explorer of the family, so i look forward to new things he will show me.

question/s for thought: what is it that makes a connection between people? where does it come from and why does it happen? why do some people pass you by while others you must stop? what does it feel like when you get this feeling, and how do you know the other is feeling the same pull?