então

i have been in bahia for 11 days. the weather is hot and humid and my family is large. i am slowly beginning to settle in to yet another new lifestyle. so many things are so unfamiliar and seem so strange from an american point of view. the strangest thing is that people's children do not move out once they turn 18, or 19 or 20 or 30... they stay in the house with their parents, and more often their partners or spouses and even their children. this keeps expanding until there are, in my case, 3 and a half families living under one roof. this has been interesting attempting to integrate myself in a community of people. it is almost like living at college again... sharing a bedroom, a bathroom, having someone cook food for you like the cafeteria would. that is the other oddity for me, the maids. i am so unaccustomed to having a maid cook every single meal for me and wash all of the dishes that ive almost forgotten how to do this myself. i have also noticed that i let things become messy when i would otherwise clean it myself because i know that someone is going to do it for me 3 minutes from now.

aside from all of these differences i have realized that people are the same anywhere you go. they may have a different way of saying the same thing or a different way of filling their days but at the end of that day we all have families and thoughts and the need to express them. i thought by traveling across the world, to the roots of my nationality, i would find myself. i was expecting to find some other person inside my body, but really its just me. and surprisingly i feel relief. i have known me for 23 years, imagine finding yourself and having to get to know a whole new person? that would take a century! longer even... all in all, i am glad to find me still here.

every day has been different. the first couple of days i became familiar with the house. the next few days i ventured out to the city of salvador and became acquainted with leda and david's dance university. i even took a contact improv class! that was incredible, creating a language between a group of 15 people. conversing with some more than others. feeling their body language, becoming fluid as to roll smoothly with them. feeling the gravity pull on every limb while the weight of another pushed you even further into it. it became a meditation. i would move around in the darkness of my eyelids and awaken on the other side of the room unaware of who i had been rolling with and for how long. i held entire conversations with people i would otherwise not be able to speak to. it was the ultimate release. it was exciting and exhausting all at once. the next couple of days were spent doing yoga on the roof and sweating at the beach. the ocean has been filled with seaweed due to the recent rainstorms that are occurring all over the globe. however, bahia seems to stay untouched to these natural events. the beaches are much different than in the south. here, they are more flat and open, but they hold some qualities that i could never see down there. there are giant rocks that span the sands covered in bright green algae that strongly resemble a horse's hair. if you walk slowly and surely the algae give way to your body and you can walk along its unearthly terrain.

an excerpt from my journal on this day: "within the rock, small ponds had formed from the many years of water carving through it. natural aquariums now live within these rock holes. blue fish, yellow fish, black and white fish. tiny universes within a 5 inch space that last as long as the tide is out. larger pools filled with salt and heat lift my body as the hot sun laid to rest. the sky filled with purple, orange, blue and yellow hung clouds weighted by the deepest colors. above me, the moon. she watched while my smile shined back at her. thank you lady, you gave birth to a beautiful world."

one day i went into salvador with david after attending a short graduation ceremony at his university. we hopped on a bus and 15 minutes later we found ourselves on a crowded street filled with colors and stores, and fruit vendors and dogs. we walked for hours finding small alleys and roads that lead to the beach. the streets were blocked from any traffic and filled with graffiti. the city of salvador is so beautiful. you can feel it's history dripping from the old buildings and cobblestone walk-roads. at one point i looked at dave and said "i feel like im exploring brasil.", he laughed at me and said "you are!" funny how after 2 months in são paulo i feel i am finally seeing brasil. we later went to the modern art museum where we spent most of the time talking on the dock and dancing on the cobble stones. we watched a capoeira master swim into the middle of the ocean's bay as the moon woke up in a rainbow of pastel colors.

another day, david took me to a place in downtown salvador called Pelourinho. we explored this place with alici and gabriel. it is the most popular tourist location in salvador. there is a giant elevator that connects the lower city with the upper city, but we ended up spending the whole day in the upper city. as we went deeper and deeper, i was filled with this feeling of.... wow. the buildings are so old, stuck all together and painted every pastel color with white trim. there was a constant drum beat in the background. everything seemed right while i was there. the churches were old and dirty, swirling with the tiniest details. the people walked in the cool breeze holding smiles on the faces while passing from store to store. little galleries filled with bahian art, leather sandals, cangas and key chains. i even saw an NYU tour group! before i heard them speaking english my radar had zoned in on their stylish hipster fashions and borderline flamboyant personalities. i couldn't help but stare, wanting to run into the middle of their large group just to feel home for a split second. we walked up and down the hills taking picture after picture. that day was perfect. i felt alive, my eyes felt satisfied, and by the end i was tired.

after this day it has been a bit rainy. nothing more than a light sprinkle but enough to keep you from the beach. last night we went to a japanese restaurant for david's birthday. we ate so much and told stories of our first wine experiences, and laughed. i finally made friends with naiana's daughter (my neice) guilia, who has been resisting anything to do with me for the past 10 days. i was almost giving up hope. but i guess thats when it's supposed to change, right as you're about to give up.

today leda, david and alici left for the US for 3 weeks. i almost climbed in their suitcase but i stopped myself. i thought; i could go home right now if i wanted to.... but no, im not done here.